Emotions are pretty scary things. Especially for a teenager.
But hey, I'm almost 18. They shouldn't be. Should they? I know I'm a catch. I'm hard working, smart, handsome, mature, and loyal. But when it comes to emotions and feelings, I'm kinda immature. Seriously.
I have a theory. As a homeschooling online high schooler, who spent his formative years (12-16) on an island in Alaska, I missed out on the whole "girls like boys, giggle giggle, check yes or no, are our hands touching on accident?" thing. Yup. Never had a girlfriend. My fingers have never been interlaced with those of a cute girls. And kissing? Hah.
My best friends all live millions of miles away (so it seems) and any flirting I do tends to be over text where I can gauge reactions and edit things before I say them. When you add this all up, it doesn't make for a well balanced, young man who has given his heart, stolen a heart, broken a heart and been broken. I have no clue what that's even like.
So… Essentially I have the emotional intelligence of an 8th grader. (Ouch.)
I will soon serve a mission for two years in the Czech Republic and Slovakia. I won't be able to call or text anyone. I won't flirt with girls, or kiss anyone. Rules on the mission are strict. And from what I've heard, Czechs are pretty serious people anyway.
So when I return from my mission and plan to seriously date, court, engage and marry a beautiful woman…. HOW? I haven't a clue what any of that is like. So where I might act like a 25 year old in every other aspect of my life, when it comes to feelings, I'm off balance. (Like a 13 year old.) I need to fix this.
There's another small problem though. All of my friends are the same way. Afraid. Unsure. Awkward. Embarrassed. And when a person doesn't have the prior experience of normal relationships to relate to, they tend to be a bit more aggressive and judgmental toward my making any... moves.
DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE? Or am I being paranoid? In all honesty, I'm glad I'm this way. And I'm super glad my friends are this way. Because it means that in 2 years we will all be standing around, eyes wide and avoiding the opposite gender like the plague. And I might be able to sneak in and steal a few hearts.
Anywho. My advice for my future kids? Balance. Its key to everything. I now know what my old mentor meant when he said I needed to be a bit more social.
- jacob
