Why so often?

Why have I been coming here so often? Posting so much? I'm not sure.

What I am sure of is that River Flows In You by Yiruma is an incredible piece that makes me think.

I came here for comfort. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts. With nobody and everybody at the same time.

Heres a question for you; is it nobody or no one? Everyone or everybody? I remember learning about it in school but honestly it never made much sense.

I have so much I want to say. My mother spends minutes, hours, sometimes days combing her posts. She has an art and a gift with writing. Me? Not so much. I write like I think. In short, cut off sentences. I kind of love the way I think. It makes me feel gifted. Smart. Worth something.

Truth is… I suffer from not feeling worthy. I don't feel adequate for whatever it is I feel I need to feel adequate for.

I have dreams. I have visions but like I shared in class today, He who looks outward dreams. He who looks inward awakes.

I want to be awake. I don't want to be stuck dreaming. I need a plan.

I have no plan.

I hate plans.

I cannot make them.

One of my biggest "my wife must" demands isn't that she is attractive, or funny, or is adventurous. Its that she is a planner. And a dreamer who makes plans and wants to fulfill them with me.

I have acne. braces. I sweat. I have a unibrow. long toes. i'm pudgy around the middle of late. my lips are cracked and bleeding.

There. I said about every physical trait I have that I am self conscious about. Yeah. Im a dude so it doesn't matter.

I really don't care. Except sometimes. Like when girls check out the guy next to you.

Ill leave the emotional insecurities for late night talks with my true, real, deep friends. Yeah. You.

I can't wait for this semester to end. My students cry and I stand solemn by them but secretly… I cannot wait to be done. The burden of 21 students, their mothers and their livelihoods is a burden few teenagers can handle. Myself included. It's been a good run but its time to dedicate some time to me.

If you are a creepy stalker, I ask that you leave. Thanks! ;)  Have a wonderful day.