But, for the moment, life seems to be back to normal. Im home from Texas, Im back to teaching. I have a huge list by my bookshelf of things I need to do. I should be preparing to teach a class today but my mind is on other things.
Last night, I felt small. Now... Im a fairly large guy. 6'1. But for some reason around midnight, after being unable to fall asleep, I felt like a child. Insecure. Small. Unsure. Im not sure what it was....
And the feeling faded just as quickly as it came. I sank into bed and dreamed the night away. Thats another thing. I don't ever have dreams. At least... its very rare. But for the past 3 days in a row, Ive had dreams.
I want to change the world. I am blessed to know many youth who also want to change the world. And by change to world... I don't mean... be the next Michael Jordan or Brittany Spears. I mean that these youth want to do good works, and would rather give than take.
In many ways... My friends are very liberal. Not politically. But.... socially? We love to help others. We believe that the best idea, not the highest authority, should be heard. And we are passionate about what we believe.
My best friend and I refer to it as "Conservative Hippiness."
Which pretty well sums it up. We are conservative both politically and morally. And yet.... Intellectually..... Individually... We have a streak of hippie in us that few of us can trace to our parents.
I love it. :)
I have big plans. Not in any particular order, they include:
Go on an LDS mission. Start my own business. Rock Climb. Mountaineer. Climb the Seven Summits. Scuba Dive in Guam and snorkel off the coast of Australia. Travel to Africa and help in as many ways as I can. Meditate in the temples of Asia. Fly with the birds. Save lives. Get a Masters Degree. Have lots of children. Travel to little places that are lost from maps. Speak to the world. Bike across the United States. Join the Air Force. Start an outdoor school. Work as a NOLS instructor. Teach english to school children in Kiev. Sail down the Americas. Live in a foreign country. Tell my story.
Any sensible person will tell me doing even a few of those things is improbable. The "adventure years" of my life are quickly fading and soon I will have a wife, children, a career, church callings, college, debt, and Ill just get into the daily grind.
Maybe so. But... I have some things that few people have.
First, I have an example from my parents of how to love, laugh, and have adventures every single day. My parents are one of the very few examples I have of how I want my wife and I to be. They have the best relationship I have ever seen.
Second, I have incredible friends. For thousands of years, people were limited by geography to the people they associated with. I have had the incredible blessing of associating with like minded youth across the country, and even world. They believe the same things I do and we are strong together.
Third... I live in a time that is full of unsurety and decay. I live in a fourth turning. Normal is the least of anyones worries. I may very well be called off to war, be ridden with disease, face financial or governmental collapse... The possibilities are endless. In such a time, I will surely change the world.
That being said, right now, I am still a teenager. Its hard. I have three years before I can really do anything. Im not sure whether to wait on pins and needles until then or if I should just.... carpe diem.
I dont plan to do anything that normal teens would do in the next three years.I am contemplating college but if I do go, it will be for a single semester. I will be climbing mountains for a month in preparation to start an outdoor school. Having a girlfriend is nowhere on my list. I want to read the book of mormon at least a few times this summer. I am waiting for news of a backpacking trip this summer. As well as working at Elevation as a trail guide. My cousin and I have bet each other that we will both be well past 20 years old before we kiss a girl. Im still wondering if thats morbid or not. :P I guess I've always just wanted to save that for the right girl. Ill find her when I find the girl thats saved her kiss for me as well.
I am reading Les Mis right now. Even though I have so much more I "should" be doing.
Okay. So... This was just me rambling. But Its 9:00 and I have 22 tweenagers to lead through a book discussion. Gosh I love them. They make work fun. I love it. Even through I'm working 30+ hours overtime without pay. Haha. Thats how it is for all burger coaches and mentors. We do it for love. Not money.
Well my friends... have an incredible day. And... never forget who you are. Im always here if you need to talk. :)
Jacob
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